


The Weekly Yeast vol. 8

by ebayhaunteddoll



Series: The Weekly Yeast [7]
Category: 21st Century CE RPF, Actor RPF, British Writer RPF, The Office (US), Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Auras, Cement, Christmas, Fuit gummy, Gen, Ghosts, Hentai, New Age, Roundup contreversy, Tik Tok, White claw, grinch, indigo Children, indigo child, netflix, pat barker critical, super powers, tree frogs, trepanning, tw: child death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebayhaunteddoll/pseuds/ebayhaunteddoll
Summary: Looking for celebrity gossip that sounds like it was created by throwing an issue of People magazine into a witch's cauldron with drain cleaner? Do you think you're too smart for Reductress or Clickhole, but not smart enough to get off AO3 and read a real book? Well, settle down into your lazy boy and peruse the latest edition of The Weekly Yeast, the only gossip rag to technically win a Hugo Award.
Relationships: Lard/Schmaltz, Wilfred Owen/Siegfried Sassoon
Series: The Weekly Yeast [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2041948
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	The Weekly Yeast vol. 8

# Gwenyth Paltrow’s New Gummy Snacks Cause Controversy

Gwenyth Paltrow announced this week on her Goop wellness blog that she is releasing new nature-themed gummies aimed towards children called Goopie Snacks. While wild flavors such as wood sorrel, honeysuckle, indian strawberry and spicebush are watering mouths, others are raising eyebrows. One of these flavors, which Gwenyth stated was inspired by the 93% natural mortality rate of the cannibalistic and shallow water-dwelling Cope's Gray Treefrog larvae, called "Dried Up Tadpoles" gained major attention online. Another gummy flavor which contains small amounts of both 2,4-Dichlorophenoxyacetic acid, also known as 2,4-D and Glyphosate, which is sold as Roundup, is featured in the "tropical summer" variety of the fruit snacks. Because both of these chemicals are known to cause detrimental effects to health, such as stunted organ growth in children and several types of cancer, so parent groups and nutrition advocates around the nation are enraged. The actress and wellness influencer responded in a tweet "Well, if you wouldn't let your kids eat it in a gummy then why would you let your kids eat fruit covered in it?" 

# You’ll Never Believe Booby Flay’s Surprising Favorite Ingredient

# 5 Signs You Might Be an Indigo Child and Not Know It

First of all, what the heck’s an Indigo child? The less new-age inclined among us may not be familiar with the concept, but there’s a chance you might be undiagnosed yourself. An indigo child is a person with a blueish purplish aura (much like the color of a ripe bruise). They are said to be more intuitive, creative, and generally genetically superior. Notable indigo children include Jimi Hendrix, Pablo Picasso, and your ex Leafe, who dropped out of art school to work at a marijuana dispensary in rural West Virginia. 

1.) You feel ghosts in old houses  
People with excellent intuition know that ghosts are real. Whether the ghosts in your life are horrific mind-melting creatures of fetid flesh and melting bone, or friendly folks of a bygone time, your connection with them might point to your indigo inclinations. Extra points if you’ve ever had a sexual connection with a spirit and bragged about it on tumblr.  
2.) You can sense auras  
This one’s a given. If, when looking at your hands, your vision is obscured by a navy fog, you’re probably an indigo child. Perhaps you were the kid in elementary school who told the popular girl her aura was “poopy brown” when she made fun of you for pretending to be a magic cat.  
3.) You’re tik tok famous  
Really, people who are popular on tik tok are just better than everyone else.  
4.) You don’t need water to survive  
If only we could all subsist on White Claw and Starbucks! For real though, if you’ve never felt thirst, your spirit is probably as blue as horseshoe crab blood, or perhaps the goop they use to represent blood in menstrual pad commercials.  
5.) You are the president of Turkmenistan  
Do you find yourself photoshopped onto horses or playing basketball on a bicycle? Have you ever felt the urge to pass laws saying all your citizens need to be inside past 9 PM? If so, you may be an Indigo child!

# Netflix is Saying Goodbye to These 10 Shows and Movies Next Month

1.) Life is Great in 21228  
This classic 70s sitcom may be about Catonsville, Maryland, but did you know it was not filmed in Catonsville? In fact, the cast and crew were so depressed by the utter mediocrity of Catonsville that they striked until they moved the shoot to some place more present, like Detroit.  
2.) My Step-Sister has Tentacles???  
Netflix’s foray into pornography began with this quirky Hentai that was added last year. The experiment was a financial success, but they quickly lost the rights when the animators decided they’d rather put it up on the Nick Jr. streaming service.  
3.) Siegfried Sassoon Fanfiction Won the Booker Prize: The Movie  
This beautiful adaptation of Pat Barker’s novel stars actor James Wilby as celebrated war poet Siegfried Sassoon, which isn’t weird at all. It also probably won some fuckin awards just like its worthless source material. I don’t understand why you can’t just read Memoirs of an Infantry Officer. The whole thing that they do with Wilfred Owen’s stuttering is kind of fetishistic, right? Like surely he didn’t talk like that. Whatever.  
4.) Teens with Abilities  
These teens have abilities! And romances! And love triangles! And are white!  
5.) Trepanning! The Musical  
Catch this cult classic jukebox musical before it leaves our screens forever. No spoilers, but we LOVE the scene where Scarlet Johanesson is tied to a chair and forcibly treppaned while the actor playing her boyfriend yodels!  
6.) The Office, again  
Lmao they put it on again then swiped it immediately just to fuck with you assholes  
7.) Girl Talk  
Honestly I didn’t even watch this one. All these Netflix shows are all the same.  
8.) Twenty One Pilots take Manhattan  
Emo is back! Not for long, unfortunately. Pop the popcorn and watch Tyler Oakley galavant around New Yawk freakin City babey in this stunning documentary.  
9.) Saló, or the 120 Days of Sodom  
Just check this one out lol promise me :3  
10.) Everything else  
That’s right, Netflix is deleting every show and movie from their catalogue next month. Buckle up, chucklefucks. Netflix has said this about their decision: “We believe that no one should have access to entertainment, quality or otherwise. Please find another streaming service but know that we’re planning on buying them and shutting them down too.”

# Recipe: Old Fashioned Toast

I cup lard  
3 Tablespoons olive oil  
1 teaspoon sesame oil  
½ cup peanut oil  
1 oz schmaltz  
30 milligrams butter  
1 pint mayo  
1 bleach bottle capfull of heavy cream  
Pinch duck fat  
2 slices white bread

Combine all fats in a small saucepan and stir over low heat until all solids are melted. Dip bread in the mixture and fry in over high heat until blackish-brown. Serve chilled. 

# Incredible Jim Carrey Facts You Might Not Know

Him the gunch


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